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Known as a Hollywood powerhouse, Reese Witherspoon appears to be a fearless leader, whether she’s acting, producing, heading up her book club or showing off her latest products from her Draper James line. Yet in a candid new interview, the 49-year-old admits that it wasn’t always so.

One of her biggest challenges: Overcoming an early, abusive relationship. “I was very good at being a professional and showing up and doing the right thing, but I wasn’t emotionally mature when I was young,” Reese, who landed her first big part at age 14, told The New York Times. Without naming her ex, she explained, “My spirit had been diminished because I thought all those awful things that person said about me were true.”

Eventually, the mom of three, including daughter Ava, 26, found the strength to leave the situation, but the damage was deep.

“It took me a while to reconstitute myself,” she told the paper, adding that she’d lost her self-confidence. “I had to rewire my brain. But I was really insecure. It took me a long time to be this woman I am now.”